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Ask Anita - What is the biggest complaint men have told you about their problems at home and did you have the solution?

This one problem is a biggie at home but the solution is really quite simple and is easily solveable. The gentlemen are a bit stumped on how to solve any problems their wife is having at the time so they do whatever they can to make her happy. They figure she needs a joke or just some story to help her feel better or maybe a gift or two. Anything to make her happy.

The truth is that women just want one thing from the man at the time. Granted gifts and surprises are always nice but the biggest thing to help their situation is not a story, joke, anecdote or even a gift. Drumroll...Just Listen to her. Don't try to fix the issue, just listen. Let her talk it through. Act like what she is saying is important. This isn't the half hearted listening you do when you are working on a project around the house or watching your favorite show or sporting event. 

What you can use is called "reflective listening." When your wife tells you something, you summarize what she just said to you in different words. This does two things: 1) It allows your wife to hear what you just heard her say, and clarify if you have misunderstood. Hearing what she just said allows her to process what is said and to confirm or clarify what you heard her say. 2) It confirms to your wife that you have understood her. This is very important as when she feels that you have understood her, then she’ll feel comfortable to tell you more.

One of the biggest things we all need is to be listened to and understood. So stop trying to cheer up your wife all the time. Listen, understand and empathize. Trust me, this will go a long way to improving your marriage. And she might even be happier. If she's happier, you'll be happier!

Hugs and voraciously hungry kisses,