Call 847-254-2171
Jul
06
2020
Ask Anita - I was with a provider that told me to stop fingering her. Don't women enjoy this and isn't this a way to get her to orgasm?

I would say that it isn’t that women don’t enjoy it. It is likely that maybe you were a little rough with the fingers and didn’t do it gentle enough? I can provide the following fingering etiquette that will help a gentlemen get a passionate response out of a woman, whether it's a provider or a wife or a girlfriend:  

  1. Touch her the way you would touch yourself.
  2. Question her as you are touching her to make sure that it is the way that she likes as well. There is nothing wrong with asking the question.
  3. Have her show you how she likes to be touched. 
  4. Switch up how you touch her.  Go from lightly rubbing her clit to swirling around it with your middle finger. Or move in and out of her vagina with two fingers gently while circling her clitoris with your thumb.
  5. Don't actually "bang" her with your fingers. Just because it's sometimes referred to as "finger-banging" doesn't mean you should literally do that. Moving in and out super-fast like you're poking a fish tank with just one finger doesn't really do anything. It gets you excited that something might happen and then you're just sitting there awkwardly. And sadly, it's that kind of fingering that leads women to believe they hate fingering. Remember, it's a finger and not a penis. Use that to your advantage and hit her clit, then go into her vagina, or move your fingers around her vulva. It truly is a choose your own adventure of sex acts.
  6. No, there's not just one fingering position. Have the woman you're fingering lie on top of your fingers (or hand) and push themselves against it. Not only is it hot, but it's also another great way to feel out where they like to be touched without having to specifically ask.
  7. You have two hands. Use them both. Whether that means you're playing with her boobs with one hand or running your fingers through her hair while touching her clitoris, you have two hands at your disposal. Don't waste them.
  8. Cut. Your. Freaking. Nails. One of my provider friends said that one guy drew blood and he asked if she was on her period. She had to tell them, "No, hon. You clawed my vagina." If your fingers are going near a vagina any time soon, cut those nails, dude. 
  9. Wash your hands, please! Remember that is a sensitive area of the body so please wash your hands before fingering the inside of a woman’s body.
  10. Don’t ignore the clit, as most vaginas need clit stimulation to orgasm.The whole vagina is very sensitive and it's easier to orgasm when more than one spot is activated, which I think a lot of people overlook. Using both hands, one to massage the clit, the other to finger inside the inner labia gently.
  11. Start slow, pressing lightly on the vulva, towards the clitoris, and then imaging yourself as an orchestra conductor for fingering inside the vagina.
  12. Try the “come hither” gesture. This is curling your index and middle fingers gently back and forth inside your partner’s vagina. 
  13. Don’t forget the lube! All penetrative acts, the wetter, the better. Add a little lube first and work your fingers gently.
  14. This may be just me, but I love tasting me on your fingers. Offer up your fingers for the woman to taste herself.  

Hopefully the above etiquette maybe explains the provider's response. Just like in anything, finding the 'G' spot and working the clitoris, well, it is a mystery as every women's body reacts differently. 

Hugs and voraciously hungry kisses, 

Anita