Call 847-254-2171
Oct
19
2019
Ask Anita - What is love? Why as humans are we so bad at it?

Wow, that's a difficult set of questions. And yes, I have failed at love also so I believe I have both answers. First, what is love? I believe there are multiple definitions of love, including the definition picture that is a part of this blog and remainder as follows: 

1. God is love; 

2. Love is a feeling that occurs when you see, think of, or are with a person who makes your heart fill with complete, pure, blissful happiness; 

3. Love is accepting every single thing and still loving. It is unconditional; 

4. Putting someone’s feelings or needs before you’re own;  

5. To serve and sacrifice for another without expectation or conditions;

6. Love is a rollercoaster of different emotions a person causes in you. For better or for worse, it’s love;

7.  Love is knowing a person inside and out, all their strengths, their weaknesses, their best times and worst times and then deciding, after seeing all their flaws that you would never trade this person for anyone else in the world;

8. Love is a burning passion for another that, for some reason, defies all other emotions and logic. You will do anything for that person and will do anything to be with them;

9. Love is this ache i get when i look into his/her eyes;

10. Love is when you trust someone so much you give them you’re heart, you’re not sure if they’ll break it, but damn sure they’ll try their darned hardess to mend it;

11. Love is when you can’t stop from thinking of this person and practicing what you might say to him/her;

12. Love is when your heart starts racing every time you see or think about this person and wanting to be next to them every second of everyday; 

13. Its wanting nothing in the world but the best for someone, even if the best for them isnt the best for you;

14. It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity; and

15. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

So you see from above, there really is no true love definition, they all describe love in some form or another.

So the reason that humans are bad at love? Well, so many things but the biggest is that we are all fallible. We all make mistakes. We don't think things through, we race at things and then when the deed is done, in this case, we are married but we may have gotten married for the wrong reasons. We married because we were conditioned to marry at a younger age back then. We got our education and we got married and ultimately wanted children. I remember when I was age 23 and i got married. Did I know anything back then?

I graduated from college (in 1988) and the first thing I thought of after graduation is finding a job and finding a boyfriend, kind of in that order. I had the same boyfriend all the way through college but it didn't work out. So, I was in a hurry to find someone because I couldn't be alone, could I? We call that a rebound relationship when you break up from a serious relationship and you find someone else right after.

Well, for me it was a blind date and two years later, I married him. I thought I loved him but as early as the honeymoon, I knew I made a mistake. Yes, this Wild Anita wasn't wild back then. I was sheltered, I didn't sleep around, I married and had sex for the first time on my wedding night. Boy was that a downer, ugh!! So I made a mistake. But I am from a longstanding married family, my parents were together almost forty years when my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I was brought up Roman Catholic and no, Catholics don't get divorced (at least not in my family). If I did that, I couldn't practice that faith anymore or I would have to go the long expensive way of getting an annulment. So on I lived in a loveless marriage, had two children, boys, that I have talked about periodically in this blog. They are ages 25 and 21 and living elsewhere now (they are to me, who I live for now. My sons are everything). 

Another reason why we humans are bad at it is that we are inherently selfish. Marriage and love, well, it's a lot of give and take, a lot of concessions and compromises. But who wants to give up anything really? I mean, some of us really don't want to quit doing our "with the boys" things or "hanging out with the girls" things even. But hey, the wives are the bosses, right? So who ends up conceding first? We all know the answer to that one, gentlemen. I'm sorry to say when the kids are younger, that golf game needs to wait for you to pick them up from all of their activities. You need to make the breakfast Saturday mornings while she is at the store. Oh, yes, also, after a period of time, you also concede and there is less and less sex as well. Maybe you think after the kids are out of the house, it will get better and then it doesn't. 

So yes, we are a screwed up society of stressed out, undersexed individuals who are just rather unhappy because yes, we did think we had the world by the tail at one time, we thought we were in love but we weren't but now we make the best of it because we have children and some of us are lucky enough to even have grandchildren (not this Wild Tigress yet). So unfortunately, yes, we humans have been bad at love and we just now need to accept our fate and exist. Some of us have embraced this hobby because we want to have some outlet for the stress to go and by golly, "Cock time" is important. Just as important as the spa time, hair and nail appontments that your wives get to enjoy at times.  

Well, this formerly undersexed Wild Tigress gets to enjoy her fun and be wild and passionate with some great gentlemen due to this hobby. I am happy that some gentlemen continue this hobby. Do I think every gentlemen should be cheating on their wives, no because there are some out there that could not do that for whatever reasons. There are many still on the ledge because of religious beliefs even or just fear that they could either get arrested, beaten up or robbed or extorted and somehow the wife finds out. Some have jumped off the ledge briefly and jumped right back on that ledge. Yes, some of those gentlemen ran out on me proclaiming they weren't ready yet. I am a bit more empathetic because it was a stretch for me to go out on a limb and join the world's oldest profession back in 2014.  But frankly, many forget how many marriages I do save by doing what I do. And with Anita, no one is the wiser because I am discreet and I am the girlfriend without the drama. 

Hugs and voraciously hungry kisses, 

Anita